+ÐamageÐ -.['Åmÿ'].- §ouL+ (adiasb) wrote,
+ÐamageÐ -.['Åmÿ'].- §ouL+
adiasb

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A creative mind is never bored..

doodledoodle2

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Don't look too deeply into this...
I was just bored in class
And I thought I would share...

I haven't really updated lately with a rant or a ramble...and it really sucks when nothing too great happens in my life...I would update with good news, I would...but it never seems to come my way... It doesn't mean I have bad news, mind you... It's just that nothing good or exciting has happened lately in my gloomy existence...

Classes are almost over...which can be good and bad...I seriously don't thinking I'm acing any of them... but I'm not terribly close to failing either... It just means I have to study more before finals...I already know that next semester I won't be taking 7:30am classes and most likely no Friday classes...so that's something to look forward to...

I'm getting rather tired of class and school...I've only been at SJSU for three years, and I'm already tired of it... I'll be taking more English and creative writing and theater classes in the future for my major/minor... so more reading Shakespeare and writing long ass papers..which is fine, I suppose... but the thing that scares me most is...what next?..Once I graduate, I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do... sure, I can write stuff, and publish my plays and short stories...but what if they don't sell? Or get published at all?!...I have nothing really to fall back on... I can maybe apply for a newspaper or magazine... but I have no journalism experience....this is kinda the same feeling I had when I was a senior.. I just feel safe in my repetitive schedule..and God forbid it changes because I'll probably just shut down or something...Maybe it's too early to tell...I don't know...I still have a few more years...

I sure as hell am not working at Aero forever...I don't even think I'm gonna make it till next Christmas...That place is insane now... They finally put me on register, so I feel alittle more reliable..Since another co-worker left, I am now the "women's specialist", which means I get to stay there till 1am doing floor set changes for the whole women's sections...Management isn't the greatest...or the friendliest anymore...One manager hardly speaks a word to me outside of business. and the other can't stop talking on the phone or to anyone else..however..with me, she seems to cross the line of being sarcasticly funny to mildly insulting... I really don't take what she says too seriously... but I really get pissed off when people treat me like I'm stupid because I don't know what the hell they're talking about... After X-mas, I'll probably go look for another job, somewhere else... But I'm gonna stick it out as much as I can...I got a job, I'm getting paid..I should be somewhat happy with that...right?

I'm starting to realize how I act around other people...How I let my facade take over for the most part...not a lot of people get to know the real me...that's kinda my fault.. cuz for some reason I get hurt once I show my real side to people.. hurt badly... so I shut it out to the world... First impressions are usually the same... I smile....alot. I chuckle at jokes and I become extremely (almost fake) friendly...People say that I'm really nice and easy to talk to...which is true..but that's just the tip of it, really.. I'm usually very shy at first too, till someone starts talking, then I'll usually move into the conversation...Later on, I'm still friendly, but I'm not afraid to put in my two cents in the conversation...but it's usually flooded with sarcastic remarks and witty come-backs...I joke around a lot so that people will like me, I guess... cuz if they knew the real me off the bat, they probably wouldn't stick around...but once people get to know me more.. they'll notice I slowly shed off the sarcastic humor, and add more seriousness to my tone.. I can get into some really deep and serious conversations..I love long deep serious conversations..I'm not afraid to get into a debate about something...but it usually takes a while for that to set in with most people... they just want the funny single side-kick chick who's there for a quick laugh and gone for all the serious drama and climatic scenes...Course, I love partying and having a good time as much as the next person...Just in normal situations, I'm not always there to amuse people...as most might imagine...I dunno... theres a few people who I've gotten close to..and trust...and then some others, I gotten close to..and it just fell apart.. It's probably because of me though.. I have a tendency to push people away before anything serious happens.. or I don't even show any interest in the first place....*sighs* ...It's not like I have great luck with men anyways...everyone around me seems happier and in love... I'd really like to know how that feels...and smile for real...and laugh because I mean it...and love because I want to...

Uuughhh... -.-;; ...I'm tired... I haven't been getting much sleep, but I don't seem tired when I should be...

I guess theres nothing else to say... Wasn't really much to say in the first place... ::scrolls up:: and now look at my rant...jeez...I do have alot to say, really... it's just that I kinda want to say it when I know someones listening...But sometimes, you can say the most intimate things when no ones listening.. and still feel better that you said it... Hmmm...Sometimes I just feel empty.. and feel like I wasted my breath....::shrugs:: ...goodnight..
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